Woman in striped dress walking down beach path

Clear out your closet for new dreams, more time, & self care

The funny thing about letting go of stuff is that you give a gift to yourself. Not only does the absence of something unwanted feel like a relief, but you create space for life to draw in more of what you do want. It’s a physical and spiritual act, this letting go. In the dance of motherhood, and career, and heart, and life, the spiritual side of me needs to be heard and honored more than ever. So this month, as the snow starts to fall in Milwaukee and as light dims earlier each day, I have decided to clear out my closet. It’s a deliberate act of making space for new dreams, and one of self care. The icing on the cake is that it will put more time in the day.   

Use your Closet to Make Space for New Dreams

Recently, I listened to a podcast by Ingrid Fetell Lee where her interviewee shared a story about clearing out unwanted clothes from her closet and not only did they she feel like she had more to wear, but she suddenly felt free enough to quit their job and try something new. That story totally resonates with me. There’s something freeing about removing the physical proof of our past – who we were and what was working for us then – in order to move into a space of who we are now and who we want to be. 

Who is it you want to be? This slice of life has caused new dreams to form in you. So why not send your signal into the universe (and to yourself) that you’re ready for them. Clean out that closet…then the dresser…then the forgotten boxes in the basement. Finally, release whatever else that’s filling your space and making you feel stuck. You are so free, if only you allow yourself to see it

Use Your Closet to Boost Self Care

You are a beautiful human being, you know that? Every inch of you. And getting dressed should be a fun way of celebrating yourself on the daily. However, if you’re like me, you have clothes you keep around because they’re functional, not because they make you feel beautiful or brighten the day. We all do it –  we keep things that look nice, but they show too much cleavage or don’t fit quite right or we convinced ourselves in the store that we can make it work, but never got around to actually making it work. Sometimes we keep stuff because a relative bought it. There are clothes kept for reasons we’ve long forgotten. 

Now imagine – how would it feel to have and wear only clothes that fit right and feel good? How would it feel to spend less time worrying about or adjusting what you’re wearing? Pretty good, right?!?

You deserve the kind of self care that comes without having to think about it. You deserve to wake up to a closet of only outfit options that you are excited to wear. 

Clear out your closet to save time

If drawing in new dreams and self care aren’t enough of a reason to clear out your closet, then perhaps this info will seal the deal: when you make repetitive motion by choosing or finding clothes, you are wasting your time. Think about it – how much time do you spend when you search through a drawer for a shirt two or three times before finding it? How much time do you spend just deciding what to wear? 

In the end, clothes can create a waste of time that really adds up. We blow by the fact that the problem could be fixed in the rush of getting ready to leave the house. And because it’s not addressed, it comes up day after day after day. You’re losing minutes without even realizing it.  I’m tellin’ ya – solving this problem will make mornings run a little faster.

Action Challenge

This month, I invite you to join me in a very loving and intentional act of letting go of clothes that no longer serve us. To help, Marie Kondo, author of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up recommends that you:

  • Thank your “get rid of” clothes out loud. Thanking is a way to honor how they served you and send them on their journey with gratitude. 
  • Get rid of anything you keep out of a sense of obligation, functionality, or guilt. You have permission.
  • Keep what sparks joy (I love this one!)

I also came across this Apartment Therapy blog post by Arlyn Hernandez, which has a quick-hits list of stuff to toss like those shoes that always hurt, old bridesmaid dresses, and things that you kept last time you cleaned out your closet but haven’t worn.

I hope you enjoy yourself as you clear out your closet to make space for new dreams, more time, and self care. Turn on some tunes. Sip some wine. Enjoy the memories your clothes bring up, even as you thank them and say “yes!” to whatever’s ahead. 


***I’m curious, what dream are you ready to draw into your life? Let me know in the comments! May our lovin’ energy inspire and lift each other up. Thanks for reading, thanks for sharing, thanks for being you. go mama!

Women laughing together

What to do when you feel isolated

Today’s post is dedicated to all the moms out there who feel a little isolated. Sure, it might not be an every-day thing – and sure, you probably have friends who love you tons – even so, you perhaps have moments when the kids are asleep and it’s just you at home, wishing you could be out in the world somewhere, meeting people and hanging out with friends just like you used to when you were a little more free. The real kicker is that it’s hard to know what to do when you feel isolated!

If you hatch a plan to get out of the house, I’ll give you some back pocket pointers to help make it easy to make new friends. 

Step 1: Recognize the limiting belief

You know how people say it’s harder to make friends as an adult? I’ve often thought that yes, that’s the case – for all the reasons that you and I are well familiar with. But then I met my husband. He’s one of those people that can go away for a weekend and come back with at least one new best friend. Or he’ll come home from a bar, or band practice, or anywhere with people present, and often say he shared a meaningful conversation with someone.

His example makes me re-think the idea that adults don’t make friends easily. In fact, I’m starting to think that the phrase is a limiting belief, if repeated often enough and ingested completely. I’m ready to re-frame this limiting belief and if you find yourself in the same boat, I hope you will join me! 

Steps 2-4 (which you’re about to read) come from conversations with and observations of the social butterflies in my life, my husband included. When I use these strategies myself, I often find myself with a new friend. They work!

Step 2: Believe you are worth knowing

The key to making a meaningful connection with someone is believing that you are worth knowing. And you so are! The trick here is to choose your self-talk before meeting someone (and even in-the-moment, if needed). 

Instead of, “What if they don’t like me?” Try: “I’m worth knowing, and the people I meet are worth knowing.”

Instead of, “I’m not good at meeting people.” Try: “I have beautiful relationships in my life.”

If you need an extra boost of self confidence, check out this post about all the ways you shine.

Step 3: Only tango if it’s fun

It takes two to tango. If the conversation isn’t flowing, you have every right to politely close it up and move on! 

It also can help if you remember that most people spend their time focused on their own inner dialogue and worry about how they sound to you. You will be way ahead of the game just by showing up, eager to really listen to people’s stories and ready to share a few real and true things about yourself. 

Step 4: Have a back-pocket question strategy

Ok – let’s say you’ve done all the prep work. You’ve reframed your inner dialogue. You know you’re worth knowing and you’re really eager to learn about other people! There’s just one piece left: what to say? 

I have a few questions I pull out in a pinch, and they follow this trend:  

  • Start with something super light, and each progressive question digs a little deeper
  • Stay open-ended, which will give you a chance to learn something that will spark more conversation 
  • Get to know the mom – don’t focus on her kids the whole time

Here are a couple of question sets. Borrow them or make up your own!

  1. What’s one of your favorite things about living in (your city) and why?
  2. What is the best wisdom you’ve heard that helps you with parenting kids at this age?
  3. What has been bringing you joy these days?

Or:

  1. Where do you like to take your family for fun?
  2. If you had a magic wand that could make anything happen for you or your family, what would it be? 
  3. What do you love about your life right now?

There are countless more questions you could ask. The article, “200 questions to get to know someone,” by conversationstarterworld.com could probably give you a few more ideas.

Go for it

Remember that you are a great mom, and a good friend, and absolutely worth knowing. There are so many other moms out there, wishing for friendship. Now that you know what to do when you feel isolated, you can become that warm person who makes the first steps. So get out there and do a social activity that you enjoy. With these strategies, you will be so easy to get to know! 


***I’m curious, what are your favorite conversation starters? Do you have strategies for building new friendships? Please share in the comments – may our lovin’ energy inspire and lift each other up. Go mama!

A rainbow as a symbol that everything's ok. We don't have to live in the past or be hard on ourselves about it.

Living in the past? Here’s what to do.

Have you had days where you replay a past mistake over and over, as if reliving your embarrassment will sometimes make it better? Me too. Sometimes I replay scenes that surely everyone else has long forgotten, or at least they’ve ceased to care. And what do you do to get out of that internal re-play? Have you found a way to make it stop? If you often find yourself living in the past, this article is for you. 

Your life on repeat

I bet a number of things are happening to you when you obsess over the past in a negative way. Unkind words toward yourself are likely running through your head. You’re probably giving yourself a really hard time for those mistakes or imperfections. You’re probably forgetting how divinely loveable and worthy you are. I bet precious minutes go by that you could be using for something (anything!) more enjoyable, but you’re lost in the past, hurting your heart. Meanwhile, your body is in a stressed state of flight or flight, which will take literally hours to come down from. 

According to a Success article featuring Erin Olivo, Ph.D., assistant professor of medical psychology at Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons in New York City, there’s no emotional difference between living an experience and re-living it in our minds. In other words, we create stress when we ruminate on a past event over and over. And what is stress? It’s triggering our bodies into a state of fight or flight. There is no danger in most of our waking moments, yet we create stress for ourselves by reliving our pasts. 

it’s ok now

Dear, bright spirit, let’s take a big breath, you and I. 

(yes, right now – big inhale…. and let it go….)

If you’re reading this, it’s because you’re on a journey to heal your heart. To heal into the now. It’s because you want to feel fully alive, and you want that joy to expand into an example that your children will follow. 

I want that for you, too. 

4 Techniques to stop living in the past

Here are a few things that can be done to help curb this habit of living in the past. Keep in mind that these suggestions should be done with love toward yourself, never as an opportunity to be hard on yourself when you realize you’re living in the past again. 

  • Notice when you are ruminating, and say some sort of mantra that calls you back to the present. I often use a mantra by Tich Nhat Hahn: “I have arrived, I am home/ In the here, in the now/ I am solid, I am free/ In the ultimate, I dwell.”  This works for me, but you might have a different one that calms your heart. 
  • Forgive yourself as quickly as possible. On Puttylike*, Emilie shares that she makes a practice of allowing herself to feel embarrassed when something happens, and then she chooses to forgive herself within hours of the event. Isn’t that beautiful? She makes a choice to let go, and in doing so – she never even forms a habit of reliving a mistake or embarrassment. 
  • We choose the thoughts we think and sometimes our minds just need a nudge in a different direction. Ask your mind to help you in not reliving moments. Tell it that these thoughts no longer serve you, that you choose to think about things that feel good and you could use it’s help in doing this. 
  • Consider the possibility that there are no mistakes, only learning experiences. What we consider a mistake is just a sign that we are growing, and there will always be more to learn. There’s flow in language like “learning experience.” A mistake sounds serious, unfixable, unmovable – but our lives aren’t like that. We move on, we grow, we only ever have “learning experiences.” 

Feelin better already 🙂

Aren’t we blessed? We live in a world where safety and beauty fill our days. It’s a choice to think hard thoughts, and we can choose again in every moment. We can forgive our pasts. We can be grateful for who we are right now. Why, we can even look at ourselves from the perspective of those who love us: they want only happiness and ease for us, in the end, and they would never spend much time dwelling on our mistakes. In their eyes, it’s all part of the story, it’s all ok.  

I hope the rest of your day has moments where you notice the deep peace all around and within you. I hope you feel the love that surrounds you. You are an amazing human being, a light in this world, a good friend and an amazing mother. Thank you for being. 

***I’m curious, is there a mantra or quote or calming technique that is powerful to you? One that helps you calm and center yourself? Make sure to write it in the comments. You never know who you will help by sharing. May our lovin’ energy inspire and lift each other up. Go mama!

A love letter from your future self

To speak from the heart can be a hard thing. To speak truth to yourself from your own heart can be even harder. Today, the truth that I am wrestling with is about how beautiful this life is with and in many cases because of the things that I call mistakes. I bet you can probably relate. We are hard on ourselves and yet, if we step back for a moment, we can see that this thing we’ve made is so incredibly beautiful. In fact, if the future could speak, your future self would write you a love letter. Today, I invite you to listen to your future self – give yourself a whole lot of appreciation for everything you are and for exactly where you are. Your path led you here, and none of it was wrong.

A love letter from my future self

The habit of beating ourselves up over past mistakes – which includes the pain of reliving them – it’s a real joysucker, am I right? I’ve been thinking about that lately as my husband and I begin to renovate our upstairs. We moved in a year ago and have been living on only the first floor, as the upstairs was gross and honestly not livable. The current regret is that I didn’t invest in Bitcoin when I learned about it. Affording this renovation would be sooo much easier with that investment cash. 

What was I so afraid of? I’ll tell you what: I was afraid that I would hurt my future self by spending money now. And I’ll tell you something else. If I’d been wise enough to ask her, my future self would have shouted a love letter from the rooftops, “Everything is great over here! I’ve got this life thing covered and you’re going to be FINE! You do you!”

If I’d been wise enough to ask her, my future self would have shouted a love letter from the rooftops, “Everything is great over here! I’ve got this life thing covered and you’re going to be FINE! You do you!”

Ashley Fisher, gomama.love blogger

My dear friend, your future self is every bit as confident and thrilled with her life. Your future self is in love with you and all the mistakes you’ve made and the life you have and will have because of them.

Buy the latte

There’s this new investment company out there that markets to women – it’s called Ellevest. I’m not yet a client of theirs but I saw a photo of theirs on Twitter that I just loved. It stuck with me. Sort of a future-self shoutout, if you will. It was a photo of a travel coffee mug and it said, “Buy the f***in’ latte.”

Their point is that women are told all sorts of things about how to be wise with money that is actually gendered and can be disempowering. Among them, “don’t buy coffee and you will save so much money.” I’m not a financial expert, but I love this idea they presented. We are 100% capable of taking care of ourselves even in areas where we may have been unconsciously taught otherwise. We can be as brave and daring and bold with money or anything else as we want to be. So buy the latte. Future you is going to be just fine, and present you could use that little joy moment. 

We carry our mothers with us

I have strong memories of asking my mom for a $1 burger on our way to or from the big city that had the amenities our small town lacked. When she said yes, it was a big deal. Usually, she wasn’t interested in shelling out what I considered small amounts of cash to feed our ever-ravenous teenage bellies. I was so angry that she wouldn’t pay a dollar when I was so hungry. 

Now, to be clear, I am blessed to have been well fed through my childhood. These are first world complaints I’m sharing. But they have a point:

I want my daughter to grow up believing that everything in the future is going to be ok. She does not need to spend her life afraid of not being able to get by someday if she spends money on herself in the present. How I feel about money, talk about money, and think about money will inevitably filter down to her. She will do one of two things: she will pick some of it up, or she will throw it to the wind because it doesn’t resonate with the truth she was born knowing. That truth is that everything is going to be wonderful in the end. 

What to do?

So now what? I’ve labeled the problem: my worry over the future, as evident by beating myself up over past mistakes. And I’ve labeled a secondary problem: my relationship with money is my mother’s relationship with money. I picked up on my mother’s preference to avoid spending money on small delights, much to my chagrin. So for my daughter, and for myself, and perhaps even for my mother, I must change. 

Change takes time, but I do love the fact that it is possible. For me, this means getting financially savvy (through the wisdom of women such as Suze Orman and Elizabeth Warren), starting to invest, and an allowance for just-because purchases. While this blog post has focused on my trust in the future and my relationship with money, the concept applies to anything. Trust in the future and our relationship with our children, our spouses, our work, our play, our dreams.

Remember the love letter

Today, let’s give ourselves a free pass. This is your permission slip to thank yourself for past mistakes next time you start reliving something and beating yourself up about it. Remember that your future self has written you a love letter for your mistakes. You deserve a little self-kindness, and you deserve the amazing things ahead because of what you learned by those mistakes. You are kind, you are smart, and you are a powerful creator. You are an amazing mom and friend and a light to those blessed by your love. 

I’m curious – what new adventure are you ready to start, now that we’re sure we’re in the right place and we’ve made the right choices? Tell me about it in the comments. I’d love to know what you’re conjuring up. My our loving energy inspire and lift each other up. go mama!

You’re a mom. Your ever-changin’ life is beautiful. So honor the changes.

We’ve all heard the quote that two things are certain in life: death and taxes. But do you know about the third?

Change. And everyone resists change.

Today I invite you to embrace any resistance to change that you’re feeling. It’s totally normal and you’re not alone. And by the way, you’re also a great mom. Your ever-changin’ life is beautiful.

Today I invite you to embrace any resistance to change that you’re feeling. It’s totally normal and you’re not alone. And by the way, you’re also a great mom. Your ever-changin’ life is beautiful.

Ashley Fisher, gomama.love blogger

Have you ever heard of Change Management? It’s this concept in the business world that (here’s a shocker) people are people, and they bring their full selves to work, emotions and all. And when you spring big changes on them, they resist and go through a process of adjusting to a new normal. If you want a smooth transition, you have to create space for your employees to honor and mourn what’s being lost, even as you welcome what’s new.

This idea is just as important for family life. You don’t have to just grin and bear it when changes happen. You don’t have to get over it or get used to it. Instead, make space for what you’re feeling – find a way to celebrate or honor what you’re leaving behind. It’s a part of self-care and it’s huge.

The change in my life this month

My little girl has started saying “no.” For some reason, I thought that happened closer to 2 years old. And as my ever-independent and stubborn child begins this path in asserting her space verbally, I find myself resisting. Because “no” in my mind has equated to not being the center of her world much longer. How I’ve resisted being that center, missing all that free time and movement I used to have. And yet here I am, wishing it would stay a little longer. I’m going to become the Mom on Mama Mia, watching her daughter get ready for her wedding and wishing she could stop time.

Ok – that’s at least 23 years away, so this is a bit dramatic. But in my mind’s eye, I can feel that it will always be this way. Loving her where she’s at, missing where we were, and looking forward to all that’s ahead for her and our family. Here I am, resisting this change and all the ones to follow.

When my daughter was born, I left behind long hours spent with my husband, often cooking meals and then talking while he lay on the dining room floor, too full to sit in the chair any longer. I left behind the ability to spontaneously leave the house to go for a run or to see a show. And now, I am leaving behind this short year with my daughter as a baby, proudly toting her around and beaming with every compliment directed at her. Enjoying picking out her outfits and the satisfaction of a new superpower: forced sleep by nursing. I’m leaving behind the baby-style conversations we had, her babbling on and on to my encouraging “You’ve got a good point. Tell me more.” How I loved these slices of life!

How I’m honoring this change

My personal “change management” strategy is letter writing. I wrote letters to her while I was pregnant. It’s probably time to write another. I’m not sure how else I might honor the loss of her babyhood. I’d love to hear ideas.

I’m curious, how do you honor transitions as your children grow up? Is there anything you do to celebrate where you’ve been and where you’re going? I’d love to hear. Please post a comment. May our loving energy inspire and lift each other up. go mama!

Creative space for a busy mom like you? Heck yes!

Someone once told me that becoming a mother is just another layer added to everything you already are. You don’t lose yourself or suddenly find yourself having to become something you never were. I still hold tightly to that idea. Being a mom is a process of meeting yourself in a new space, like any other major transition.

Who were you before your children were born? And have you drawn those dear pieces of yourself back into your present? For me, bringing music back was a milestone in honoring my creativity and my full self. Somewhere during my daughter’s tenth month – time blowing full steam ahead! – I decided my chaotic life was as settled as it would ever be and started checking out and auditioning for local choirs. The one I joined has been so. rewarding. Practicing the music happens in stolen scraps of time, chasing after my daughter who has toddled off with the music or whispering notes to myself as she sleeps. It’s messy, fitting this in, but I wouldn’t trade it. I’ve got a piece of myself back. A place where my spirit feels free.


It’s messy, fitting creativity in, but I wouldn’t trade it. I’ve got a piece of myself back. A place where my spirit feels free.

-Ashley Fisher, gomama.love blogger

Today I caught up with a long-time friend who is in a similar place – navigating the newness of mamahood and our ever-changing children. My friend recently started drawing art back into her life, capturing beauty on paper in some form that feels good to her. There’s no money in it. No fame. No audience, even. It just feels good. She remarked that once you start doing one creative thing, it starts snowballing. She’s making art again and has already started considering the best way to make music part of her days.

Once you start doing one creative thing, it starts snowballing.

Isn’t it wonderful to be alive? To watch opportunity show up as soon as we say, ok, I’m ready now to do this thing that my heart longs for. To watch that inspiration and creativity snowball into more filling experiences? The best part is, the creation is yours. There are no judges, and permission is already given.


*****Today my question for you is: How did you bring creativity back to your life after you became a mother? And if you are discerning your creative ventures, share what you’re thinking about! Please comment below – I just know your answer will inspire someone else to pursue her creative dreams. May our loving energy inspire and lift each other up. go mama!

The silver lining to any rough patch

“There is another world, but it is in this one. -Paul Eluard” These words came to me on a postcard from a friend studying abroad during my college years. Below them is a black and white photo of a grinning child jumping on a bed – possibility vibrating between her airborne feet and the mattress. Over time I’ve whittled down my memorabilia from those early-adult days, but I never could let this postcard go. There is another world, but it is in this one.

You can probably relate when I say that some days are full of this kind of magic, but others are a little harder. My toddler has been in more teething pain than I’ve seen before, and my own much-craved sleep to heal from a cold is nonexistent. It’s hard feeling like I’m going to be ok on days like this. Overwhelm has become a familiar companion since becoming a mother.

But then, there are fleeting moments that push the overwhelm aside. Blowing bubbles on the sidewalk with her in the morning hours, taking breaks to pet friendly dogs out for their morning walks. Showing her early red and yellow tulips. My favorite flower, now a word in her vocabulary.

There is another world, but it is in this one.

-Paul Eluard

Today, I wish for you quiet pause to notice the magic in this world. I wish for us the ability to observe overwhelm – or whatever hard emotions we resist – with compassion. Both worlds, the hard and the magical, exist side by side. And even if we forget for a little while, the sun continues to light our children’s faces. We are blessed.

***How do you move through rough patches? What helps you be gentle about them? Post a comment or respond to someone else’s. May our energy inspire and lift each other up. go mama!

Five ideas to make remembering a loved one easy and healing

May is a month with some sadness for my family. It’s the month my grandfather passed away. I sat at the foot of his bed in the dark, early hours of that morning, rubbing his feet and singing him on. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I miss him all the time. Especially in May.

I’m sure you have months with similarly hard anniversaries.


The most important thing is that we honor our hearts and whatever it is we’re feeling as these anniversaries approach.  

-Ashley Fisher

Today, let’s explore some simple and meaningful ways to honor loss. Things that take no extra time, which is especially important for mothers who struggle for time to sit still for anything! Our hearts still need care.

Five easy-to-do ideas:

-Make their favorite dinner and share some stories about them with your children while you eat.

-Grab a bouquet of flowers when you’re at the grocery store. Put them on your table as a reminder of their love for you, and yours for them.

-Plant a flower they loved if it’s garden season and you garden

-Talk to them as you drive to work (or write them a letter in present tense if you’ve got time)

-Call someone who also loved them and share some memories.

Want to do a bigger project in their honor? The website Love Lives On has over 100 ideas. I especially love their suggestion to buy a biodegradable sky lantern. You could even fill it with notes for them before sending it into the night.

The most important thing is that we honor our hearts and whatever it is we’re feeling as these anniversaries approach. There is no wrong feeling. No perfect timeline for grief. And no death for love so true. We are blessed.

****What about you? How do you remember your loved ones on the anniversary of their passing? Write a comment below or respond to another person’s comment. May our energy inspire and lift each other up. go mama!


Do this for your best relaxed self

I’m going to tell you a secret to feeling more relaxed, and it has nothing to do with massages or pedicures or even a bath. But first, I’m going to tell you a story to help you remember the secret. I’m going to tell you about the pickle monster. (Stick with me now – you’ll see why!) I learned about the pickle monster in a book I read as a child. The author is lost to me, but the memory of the purple, green-spotted monster remains.

The pickle monster is an every-day gal  like you and me. She’s got a lot of balls in the air. One day she sees a jar of delicious looking pickles. She plunges her long hand in and grabs a fistful. But she is suddenly caught. No matter how she thrashes about, she cannot pull the pickles out of the jar. Finally, in despair, she lets go of the pickles. Her hand is free.

That’s it. That’s the secret to feeling more relaxed:

Let go of the pickles.

Let’s pretend for a moment that pickles represent all the things that we juggle. We put all we can into the pickle-making process: we launch activities with energy and hope and great intention. But no matter how we want to hold on to the success of everything, the truth is they’re all pickles that need to marinate.

I can’t control my daughter’s happiness while she’s at school any more than I can control a family member’s struggle with depression. I can’t control the end-product of team projects, only my role in them.

But Lord, do I try! And for the thousands of seconds I give to worrying and fretting – I have lost control and my body is tense. My hand is deep in the pickle jar when all the pickles want is to be left alone to become what they will become.


For the thousands of seconds I give to worrying and fretting – I have lost control…my hand is deep in the pickle jar when all the pickles want is to be left alone to become what they will become.

-Ashley Fisher, gomama.love

It feels so good, those moments when I remember to let go. It feels good to say, Ok, I’ve done all I can. I trust the process. I trust that things will be ok.

I regain peace of mind.

This, my friends, is the kind of control that creates a relaxed body and eyes that notice the bright day all around. We gain control by giving up control. Give it a try. Let go of the pickles.


****What about you? Where in your life do you need to let go of control? Post a comment. Reply to someone else’s comment to cheer them on. May our loving energy inspire and lift each other up. go mama!

This habit keeps you anxious. Here’s your out.

Five days a week, I start the day by judging myself and being angry with myself for a habit that I created and have refused to change. As I round the final corner to the parking garage at work, the voice in my head gets loudest. “You’re late to work again. You’re always late. How could you.” The voice offers a vision of how awful I’ll feel if my boss talks to me about it. It then proceeds to remind me of the sound of my husband’s voice when I’m the last to rush out the door, which is almost always. Sometimes it goes even further back and offers images of my mom yelling that she’s going to drive off without me as I’m running for the car, sixteen years old with shoes unlaced and makeup bag in hand. The voice is relentless. It is really good at finding opportunities to suggest that I am not enough.

For me, noticing this voice and altering the dialogue to something of my choosing has become the first step in self care. To feel joy, I have to make space for it. I have to quiet the voice in my head. As a mother, it’s more pressing than ever before that I do this work. There is so much calling me now, from every corner of my life. But this one, this inner bully that causes emotional pain and physical tension and follows me around in a way that literally no one else does, this one I can silence. This is a place where I can make space.

It’s about time, isn’t it?

In the weeks since I noticed my morning thought patterns, I’ve deliberately changed them. After all, thoughts are mine to choose! I’m not hard on myself if the old pattern slips in. I actually smile when I notice it – noticing is a big win! Then I replace it. “I’m actually pretty close to on-time. I am good at my job. I’m not going to be fired. I can change this habit whenever I choose, so there’s no point being upset about it. It feels so much better not to get upset about the time. Good job letting this one go, Ashley!” I arrive to work feeling light.

Today, may we let kindness toward ourselves be our self-care. Start listening for that inner bully. Find one place where it’s been hurting you. In that inevitable moment when you catch it, celebrate. Thank yourself for listening. Thank yourself for noticing. Thank your loving heart for wanting to choose differently. Now choose.

****What new thought about yourself did you put in your life today? Post a comment and reply to someone else’s comment to cheer them on. May our loving energy inspire and lift each other up. go mama!